O Green World
by Pterobat
Summary: After the final decade-long fold of the SDF-3 in "End of the Circle", Exedore reunites with the Sterlings and has surprises for them both good and bad.
1. Chapter 1

**O Green World**

**Chapter 1**

"So why'd you end up back on Earth?"

Dana was the first to ask the question, but likely the others were pondering it as well.

"Actually, you would be better served think of this place as a 'summer home', though not restricted to summers, of course. It was just that I happened to be here when the SDF-3 returned to Earthspace. In truth I have been dividing my time between Earth and Tirol.

"Naturally, for a Zentraedi there are be mixed feelings about being on Tirol even in peacetime. But I am not the average, and I enjoyed seeing the world as they had lived it. And...there are other reasons that I am favourably inclined towards Tirol."

I put my hand over Lantas', who was sitting on the couch next to me.

It took several seconds for them to comprehend the meaning, and then Max and Miriya's jaws dropped. Dana stood up so fast that her chair fell over. Aurora's expression was still neutral.

Dana pointed at me. "You smooth old reptile, I knew it!"

Lantas said, "It wasn't like _that_."

Dana sat back down, crossed her arms, and leaned forward. "Okay, than what was it like?"

Max coughed. "Aren't you two a little..."

"I know that he's centuries older than I am," said Lantas evenly. "I'm tired of arguing the point. If it makes you feel any better, I was Cabell's student only because the Robotech Masters kept me ignorant of everything but what they wanted their Triumvirates to study, not because I was a youth. I've always had greater ambitions, and wanted to fulfill them, even if it meant that I had to start out in a place lower than what I was used to."

There was silence around the small room, before Lantas added, "It's not as if being together is the only reason. There are still constant fights about the status of the other Tiresoid clones." She closed her eyes.

I glanced over at Lantas, concerned, though we were both long aware of these facts, and turning back to the Sterlings, I said, "I have tried for these years to help Lantas and the rest of the clones agitate for their acceptance and freedom on Tirol, though unfortunately other duties sometimes call me."

Miriya smirked. "So then here we both are. The assimilated."

I looked at her, startled. I had often thought that, but to see it articulated by her showed that the notion was not yet without power. "Yes. But we do take pleasure in that status, don't we?"

"So you're comfortable with all this?"

"No aspect of my current status has come without...reservations, but there is enough of the opposite to continue. And life is so rarely simple."

Miriya sipped her drink. "Mm. So what did someone like you do when the Zentraedi were miners. Did you ever remember?"

"I was in charge of compiling the data from the operations. Tallies, and other such things."

"So you don't think you'd fit in there anymore, even if you could be de-Micronized."

"No. Between everyone here, I think that I find this new life much more fulfilling than my old one ever was, fulfilling in ways I'd never expected." An image of myself crying came to me, but I banished it.

"I can see that. It's a chance to use your talents to the fullest, I guess...to be with people who are more your speed." Miriya glanced meaningfully over at Lantas. "And maybe now you can be the person you really wanted to be."

Max: "Are you still involved in the government?"

"Not me," Lantas said. "There are other clones with political ambitions, and I support them, but I'm not going to give up my preferences in order to become a role model. I'm more interested in becoming an architect."

"I am not at present involved with any governing body. Everything has been quite chaotic, and either planetary choice would be fraught with controversy for me; I have not yet decided on which one I want to brave, if at all. Remember that I became a diplomat only by a process of elimination."

"You showed a lot of talent for it, though." Miriya then tried to change the topic again. "I was thinking about the trio the other day. They would have loved to see that the Zentraedi were having their own children."

"Yes..." I had also not been looking forward to this part of the conversation. "Kind people," was all I could say as I gathered my strength. "Miriya...I believe that I know who caused their deaths."

--

Nearly three years after our failed attempt to destroy the Protoculture Matrix, Cabell, Lantas, and I had journeyed to Earth to see what progress the environmental restoration was making.

Lantas and I were not...together at that point, and the Tiresians were still for the most part too dazed and shattered to contemplate turning against their blood kin, so I had had nothing to call me away from Earth.

For the hunger that Humans possessed for information and perspectives had not abated, and I had found myself swept up in that, put in a similar position as I had been years ago: my schedule filled up with various intellectual and interpersonal pursuits, but not minding a bit because inquiry _was_ my leisure time.

Besides the inevitable interviews, I had been contacted about the publication of something called _SDF-3 and Me_. It was to be a memoir of sorts, though obviously the media was also hoping for some key to the ships' disappearance to yet be found in my accounts. I had grimaced at the redundancy of that wish, and at the juvenile title, but had acceded.

Others asked for more direct input, and I was called on to do more research into cosmic events and to share information on those and the non-humanoid extraterrestrials I had encountered.

They were also interested in having me look backwards, on my opinions regarding the older Earth civilization, after the arrival of Zor's ship and the first contact with the Zentraedi, aspects which I'd never managed to get to before the launch of the SDF-3.

Those investigations also involved looking into the archived works of Lazlo Zand. The stories that Dana had told us about Zand had turned me against him, but I had never liked the man, despite his connection to Dr. Lang. However, the quest for knowledge could know no squeamishness.

Still, I hadn't concealed my own feelings about Zand when Lantas and Cabell had asked about him. Zand had been interested in my memory retention, the contrast between my small nutrition intake and my constant mental alertness, and how my form differed from the "ideal" male Zentraedi body plan. He had seemed balanced enough at the start, but the feeling slowly grew that I was being relentlessly scrutinized, watched with a quivering glee that reduced me to a mere specimen at the table. I had borne it with enough patience, not wanting to be cowardly about the whole affair, but it was a relief when Zand seemed to be done with me.

His notes then confirmed my older suspicions as to how he viewed the Zentraedi, but nothing was strong enough to make me stop reading. I had grown softer in many ways, but had not become weak.

--

It had not started with a sudden revelation, a single confession found in some niche in the archival chamber. Rather, I had found several isolated things that had touched off certain suspicions, and had copied and put them aside for later use. Eventually it had built up to the denouement, a statement made baldly in a published book, _Event Horizon: Perspectives on Dana Sterling and the Second Robotech War_, the manuscript which must have passed through many hands without any fuss being raised.

It read, "There was never any other child born on Earth from a union of Zentraedi and Human. I made sure of that, with the powers at my command. Because, of course, I immediately knew that Dana was the One; Dana was all that was needed. And the plan went forward."

I had slammed the book down to the table's surface, the impact causing both Cabell and Lantas to look up from their chairs. Lantas was the first over to me, asking what it was.

I turned sharply to her, feeling something so unfamiliar it took me several moments to understand what it was. But, everything in my form having gone rigid, I stood up, looking back to the item on the table.

As I did, Lantas' hand clamped round my arm. "Will you _please _tell me what's going on?"

She'd changed from obedient student to stern taskmaster, a transformation I'd witnessed before. Normally I would have answered her, but at the moment it had been too hard to think.

Sheer wrath, a heat not unlike grief, was there; such as I had not felt since the Malcontent period, and before that time almost never.

And just as then, it was mixed with a knowledge of powerlessness. Suddenly I had imagined myself at my birth-size, methodically plucking off Zand's limbs.

"What is it?" Lantas had asked again, giving my arm a rough shake.

Cabell had moved to the foot of the table at some point when I'd not noticed.

Rejecting the chance to enter the final bit of data, I started for the exit instead, not having any particular path in mind, hearing Lantas shout my name in a tone that was as confused as it was demanding. But perhaps it was a reasonable demand.

Cabell did not follow me through all the corridors, but Lantas did, and tried again to grab my arm and turn me around.

"You're not going until you tell me what's going on. I've never seen you act this way, and I want answers."

I clenched my fists, making the material of my gloves creak. "Very few have."

"It's something important, isn't it? Tell me what it is."

"It is not of _cosmic_ importance." I replied, feeling those unfamiliar emotions coming again. "Therefore it should not concern you!"

"You are my friend; that's reason enough. Now tell me!"

Her own emotions were getting through to me, aiding in the struggle to bring me back to myself, as the word "friend" reminded me that those who had needed to hear this news the most were absent.

"It is something that the Sterlings should have heard first. But they are not present."

"The Ster--." Her mouth had opened and closed once. Then her grip on my arm relaxed and Lantas withdrew her hand, looking uncommonly chastened. "You will do what you will. And come back to us when you are ready."

An unbearable tension was demanding that I move from the spot as quickly as possible. But where could I go?

So I had told Lantas what I had now told the Sterlings, years after the fact.

After the departure of the SDF-3, Zand had recorded his modification of the Malcontent "bugs" to carry an undetectable degenerative contagion. He had made oblique references to "making sure there was only one" and "finding suitable targets" that would not "arouse suspicion." And he'd congratulated himself after some fact, attributed it to his power, his connection to the Shapings.

I had taken too long to reach the obvious conclusion; I should have done so long before I encountered that book. If Zand were so fixated upon making a cosmic key out of Dana (how I felt a different sort of anger at the notion) and wanted interference out of the way, who else to target but her guardians? Emerson's death would have invited scrutiny, but who cared for three "overgrown kids even when Micronized"?

Who cared for the Zentraedi who seemed assimilated and harmless? The Zentraedi that eventually left the factory satellite entirely, sure they did not fit in? That might one day start new relationships with new Human women, producing more children to interfere with Zand's "projects"? Who?

Dana's eyes filled with tears, her understanding it before my tale had entirely unfolded. She whispered a soft curse, but had followed that with,

"Thank you. It...it's good to put things to rest."

Once Dana and the ATAC had gotten settled on Haydon IV I had asked after them. She had said, "They're dead, Exedore. They died shortly after you guys left. I don't know why. Nobody could ever tell me exactly why. They said it might've been health problems related to Micronization, or broken hearts. Can you believe that? _Broken hearts_?"

I could only remember a coldness, an utter dead feeling deep within myself. I had kept thinking of them through all the days after, somehow being unable to fully grasp the simple truth of their deaths.

So very different it had been, then, from the discovery of Breetai's death. That...that I had accepted with a fast certainty. The terrible hot feeling in my chest, the sudden stinging in my eyes, the failed attempt to take in a breath. An image had then come to me then, one of Konda sobbing at the funeral, and only then had I understood.

But still I wasn't quite able to accept it. I was crying? I?

I had sunk into it, wanting to be anywhere but there, fingers of one hand clenching on the console, the other raised to wipe at my eyes. But then it came to myself and the Sterling family on all sides, holding each other, sharing without speaking. I cannot even remember who pulled me into that embrace, nor whose shoulders I touched.

I had found myself thinking of these things when I had thought my own death was very near.

In the present I said, "We shall have to do that ourselves. But you are right, and I thank you for understanding." I had known it was not easy for them to dig up the past.

Max patted Dana's back.

It seemed that there was nothing more any of us could say. No one proposed we report it to the world at large, and there was no reason to. Rico, Bron, and Konda's deaths had likely warranted but a footnote, now forgotten.

Dana had already shared the stories of the last years of the trio's life. But now I felt the urge to talk about the three ex-spies again. It felt as if I were honouring them, adding my peace to the decades-gone funeral which I had been unable to attend.

There is no Zentraedi equivalent to _requiescat in pace_, but I hope that one day there shall be.

"I'm very sorry for you all," Lantas said. "They sounded like wonderful people."

"Yeah, they were." Dana put her cheeks in her hands. "A little goofy, but, yeah." Her eyes took on a half-lidded look. "So...got any other stories to tell us, Exedore?"

"Er, yes."


	2. Chapter 2

**O Green World**

**Chapter 2**

Speaking personally, the life of a sedentary scientist and diplomat was still my ideal. But shortly after finding the cause of my friends' deaths, I found myself with the urge to do something out of my norms: an exploratory tour, around the Earth, wherever seemed interesting, paid for by my accumulated RDF/REF salary that I had never much done anything with.

When I proposed the idea to Cabell, he had agreed and added, "After all, we don't have much else but time, do we?"

"You're not going without me."

We had both turned to Lantas. She had been sitting on the chair, looking into a heavy tome about Tiresian history, apparently not paying attention to our conversation.

She'd then looked up from its pages, saying, "This is a dangerous world. If you're going I can't stop you, but I want to come along. And I want to know why you'd take a risk like that."

"We have just informed you as to why," I'd answered. "And Cabell and I are well aware of the danger. We will form maps will take us around the most frayed areas, but I, at least, desire an urban component, following adequate disguises."

Lantas closed her book. "I'll still be coming anyway. I suppose that's all right?"

"My dear, it seems that you've made up your mind already," Cabell had responded.

We ventured out in a small hovering transport, a roughly trapezoidal vehicle with enough space for the three of us to have comfortable quarters and facilities, as well as to store our information and supplies, with little else left after that.

There was a railing atop the flat roof, for when we felt like looking out at the world directly while the transport went on a slowed autopilot mode.

There had been some discussion about what allusion to christen our vehicle with, but Cabell had decided on _Nonsuch_, because he'd liked the way it sounded. "If there was ever a time for ridiculousness," he'd replied dryly. "Now would be it."

He shortened his beard and trimmed his nails, deciding that the look of an archetypal sage wasn't practical for journeying around the world, and choosing more typical Earth clothes, on the guard against garishness. Lantas also began to dress in a civilian fashion, though the way Lantas dressed when she wasn't going to have to blend in to a Human environment often reminded me of how some Micronized Zentraedi used to, putting together clothing that mixed colour schemes and intended genders. Some had done it out of simple ignorance, others because they enjoyed it. Lantas did it for the latter reason.

Even though I had read much on the topic, the sheer diversity and vastness of the Earth had never before been revealed to my eyes, our own people having erased most of it. However, with the aforementioned efforts, the biodiversity was slowly becoming evident again.

Sometimes we would put the _Nonsuch_ on autopilot and watch the land go by, outpacing the mammals and birds which watched us. The very fact of such _difference _from the life I was used to leading was exhilarating, moreso than the wind which pulled at my hair.

We stopped at the remains of important locations and monuments, glimpsing places where greatness or at least significance had once stood. There were holographic displays that we could pair with these barren areas. We all had moments of silence for such losses, and silently studied their miniature imitations. But in a few cases, something of the original had remained, though now crumbling to nothing from lack of maintenance.

We had brought certain hats, and for Lantas and myself, make-up for venturing out into urban areas. There were places were something of a carefree city life had been approximated or attempted, and we visited those urban areas.

Mostly we simply watched the Humans in their city, but sometimes entered shops and restaurants, always aware of the danger and our imperfect ability to "pass".

As time wore on, Lantas seemed more and more to enjoy herself, engaging in activities instead of being worried for us. In particular, she began displaying a certain enthralment with the look of sloughing and abandoned buildings and the more utilitarian architecture of Earth.

Human commentators often liked to say that looking at the vastness of the world made one feel humbled. But it made me ever more determined to take the most advantage of the new world that had been offered me. It was a conviction that I'd felt many times in the past, and it was good to return to it again, regardless of the redundancy.

--

Though Cabell and I had already spent a great deal of time talking about our previous pasts, on some nights we had found ourselves slipping into reflection, to repeat things for Lantas' benefit, and perhaps because the state of things called for such a mood.

I had ceased questioning my new self-reflective tendencies, so when Cabell had started talking about freedom, I'd gladly participated.

"There was a time at which I believed that these things which Zentraedi had been deprived of--art, culture, and tender emotions--were an integral part of the sentient psyche, and could never be destroyed, merely repressed."

"It's sensible," Lantas had replied. "Elementary science: nothing is either created or destroyed."

Cabell: "And do you still believe that, Exedore?"

"To a large extent, yes. But I was taught a great deal about not allowing myself to be bedazzled into viewing things simply."

Lantas: "And those were the events leading up to your friendship with Mrs. Sterling, correct?"

"Yes. But that lesson was ongoing; the Malcontent period was its continuation."

She had frowned. "I've read about those times." She clenched her fists in her lap. "How dared they."

"Who?" I'd responded. "There was no fault we could pin to a single person, a single tendency. So many factors combined to produce something that was trying, but inevitable. I was grateful to have friends during that time, and to no longer possess that sense of being lost and vulnerable.

"Yet what was in its place was a tremendous sense of disgust and, though kept under firm control, anger. I came to realize that I wanted to distance myself from the creatures who shared my blood, and to see them punished."

"Mm. That sounds a good deal like what I felt during the rise of the Robotech Masters. It appears these things are cyclical." Cabell stroked his beard, stopped when he realized he was doing it to air.

"_Tendencies_ are cyclical, Cabell, but there are many differences with each cycle. I would no longer presume to make a statement for all of sentient nature; I suppose that Max and the others have been more of an influence on me than I realize."

"Your people have surpassed the world that the Masters created for them," Lantas said quietly. "If I might be poetic, maybe Zentraedi have become what they ought to have been in the first place."

None of us had ever in that time spoke as if the Zentraedi had all disappeared but for myself. Lantas had later said that she was unsure of the prospect, unwilling to commit to believing they were alive or not.

"I hope for the same future for my people," Lantas had then continued. "When Archus and Pythis died, I wanted to die, too. To whither up, just as if we were a Flower and our blossoms had been severed. But I didn't. It means that I can live." She looked to the both of us. "You are not a substitute for my triumvirate. You're my friends."

Cabell and I exchanged glances. "That is very nice to hear." I finally said. "Your people shall probably have an easier time of such things than mine did."

Lantas had then chuckled. It had always been pleasing to see her becoming less agitated about the outside world, about possible dangers to the two of us, and simply enjoying her free life.

--

At one point, Cabell had been sleeping in the _Nonsuch_. That day had been one of the few days, according to him, that he had been feeling his age. Lantas and I had remained sitting outside, simply looking to the stars.

Simply, until Lantas had leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, taking my head in one of her hands to bring me closer.

I'd had a lighter version done to me several times before, and had thought myself adjusted, but the effect now was like being struck with an electrical jolt. I twitched once all over, then turned to stare at her.

Lantas had let out air through her nostrils. "I am very sorry. I shouldn't have done that," she'd said, stiffly.

"You...are...sorry? Whatever for?"

"Because, I..."

"Oh, dear."

"Exactly."

It was almost like time travel, returning me to when I would stutter and shudder at someone who had once been nothing but a soldier to me, just because she was female. "I-I a-am afraid that I have no idea what to say."

"Neither do I. I apologize again. I should not be thinking about it anymore. We shouldn't be talking."

Suddenly I found myself growing cold. "Please, Lantas, if I have learned one thing, it is that silence often does no good, and is no sign of stoicism."

"You don't feel mortified?"

"_Mortified_? Why in the cosmos would I be--ah, well, what I intended to say is that I have no idea what I should feel. I have only ever witnessed such things from a distance."

"And I never have at all. But it feels like the things I've heard described."

"Then...why _me_?"

"Well, I can't really _say_ why, but it's not as though it's entirely _shocking_. You're a very kind person, intelligent, and...you've always wanted to survive. To move on. Intellectuals don't have to be weak." Her cheeks had almost changed colour to match her hair. "But I can't give any one simple explanation. That was what helped me realize what it was."

I looked into the fire. The days of the tour seemed a galaxy away at the moment.

Lantas spoke again. "I know about taboos. The age difference. But clones merely _exist_. We are eternally adults, living in the moment, don't know birth, childhood, or the slow decay toward death. It's even more true for scientists, because we were sterilized, though reproduction has always frightened me."

"All of that is true for me, as well." Yes, some of my genetic material had been harvested and refined to create the first generation of the Formo clone line (before the rest were be cloned from these improved specimens), but that was hardly like the standard method, the one that still filled me with a deep fear. "I...enjoy your friendship, Lantas. But I am not even sure if I have the_ capacity_ for such emotions."

It had nothing to do with being Zentraedi, but just that it seemed so far removed from my character. But, too, I could remember the way I had looked at Breetai and Kazianna.

"Neither am I, if you couldn't tell." She paused. "Of my own capacity, I meant to say. But don't have to solve this within the hour, do we?"

"I do not think it will be as simple as saying 'no, we should not', or that we should. And I do not know why I am saying this."

Lantas stood, walked a few steps away from the log, and then gestured to the sky. "I thought that maybe it was just the exhilaration of being truly free for the first time in my life, that led me to mistake friendship for other emotions. But sometimes we cannot ever be sure; even though this is new to me, this seems right. I agree with you about such things being buried, but never destroyed."

I watched her, still without any idea of what the next move should be. It was something of a relief to see that she was feeling similarly awkward.

"But whatever happens, I want to apologize to you."

"For what?"

"I still want to protect you. But I was paranoid; I wanted to find someone to replace my lost triumvirate, and was terrified of losing another. We're enjoying this journey so much, and all I did was grouse about it because it might threaten you."

"That...is...er...I thank you, Lantas. And you were not aggravating."

"Hm," was her only reply. Perhaps she had caught me in a lie.

After another long silence, I said, "I think, perhaps, that we could speak endlessly on this and never come to any satisfactory conclusion. Therefore, I propose we just...retire for now."

Lantas turned back to me, and offered one hand to help me stand up. I did not refuse her, but she detached the instant I had stood.

We retreated to our respective quarters without saying anything more; it appeared that we hadn't woken Cabell, which I was quite thankful for.

Instead of blankets, we had what Human soldiers termed "mummy bags" upon our mattresses. I wrapped myself in mine, including covering my head, and wondered what to do.

I began methodically biting the underside of each fingertip once before moving on to the next one, until I willed myself to stop that. I thought of Breetai and Kazianna again. He had been the first of the Tul clone line, and she obviously just another one of the Hesh, much farther forward in time, but together they had seemed like ordinary adults.

I pictured Lantas again: lanky, several inches taller than I was, with a long, angular face, her hair an intriguing shape that I'd never seen before, skin a blue-tinged white, voice a strange metallic cadence that I'd long ago grown used to.

I found no answers that night.

--

The next morning it was difficult to focus or think about anything but this. Such intensity usually led to an easy conclusion, but obviously not now.

When Lantas and I accidentally looked at each other, we would quickly look away. At one point, Cabell said to her, "You're looking unusually subdued this day, my dear."

She'd whirled on him, curls flopping about her face. "Yes, I suppose that being outside would _humble_ you."

"Is there anything wrong?" Cabell had asked, unperturbed.

She'd scratched at her head. "I'm sorry. It's only the shock of adjusting. You think that you're completely acclimated, then things suddenly seem alien."

He'd patted her shoulder, oblivious. "Apology accepted. One day, Lantas, this will all be behind you, and until then, a few lapses can be forgiven."

It was a while before Cabell went back inside. I cursed myself for indecisiveness and subterfuge, when this was hardly _confirmed_. But I went over to Lantas, who was still on the railing, looking out over the ocean that we hovered above.

"Are you angry with me?" I had asked, quietly. I was prepared to defend myself if that were the case, but also felt lost.

But her reply was, "It's just anxiety, nothing that you've done. But there's no excuse for my irritation. The world is still _there_, isn't it? We're still on 'vacation'."

"Yes, well, this is all...new to us."

"And we're still not sure we want it, are we?"

"...No. But I've often wondered what it would be like, once I was mostly past my conditioning." How foolish. I had to be sure now whether or not the objections one might have had to us if we were Human should be applied.

Suddenly Lantas was laughing, and I recognized by the sensation that I was turning the same colour as my hair.

"If your friends were here," she snorted out. "They'd say we were 'overintellectualizing' it. Hah. As if we'd solve our problems by pretending to be something we weren't. But then, what are we?"

"If you feel the same as I do, I believe I would term it 'willing'."

--

But even that was still not the point of recognition, the single moment at which Lantas and I both said to each other that we were...attached. After that reveal there was no other time at which we sat down and went through everything again, for when I'd remarked on it, it was Lantas' opinion that we'd gotten through the major points at that first time.

What was only left to fill the void were small gestures, brushes of hand upon hand, always standing close to each other when we went up on the _Nonsuch_'s roof railing. I would gently unravel one of her curls with my fingers when Cabell wasn't around. Hardly what Humans would have termed hotly flirtatious, but we wanted nothing else but slowness.

I had intended to tell Cabell, but felt tentative. How embarrassing it would have been to tell him that and then have it turn out to be somehow false. I was being rather silly about the whole affair.

But it was still quite a different thing to be standing on the railing of the _Nonsuch_ and be asked, abruptly, "Are you and Lantas together?"

"I'm standing over here, Cabell," Lantas had retorted. She had been farther over, looking out at the distant treetops. She now turned to us, adjusting her stingray-shaped hair ornament. "And that might be true."

Cabell's brows narrowed slightly, and I suddenly had an image of Dana being defiant towards her parents.

"How long?"

Lantas and I ended up speaking together.

She: "We're being slow about it."

I: "We've decided to be unhurried."

Cabell blinked, then recovered his composure. "I'm sure that you're both aware of the issues this raises."

We were both silent.

He clasped his hands behind his back. "Besides the obvious, do you not remember that Lantas has always intended to return to Tirol?"

"Cabell, please don't speak as if I'm not standing here," replied Lantas. "And to answer your question, why discuss it when neither of us are sure--"

"Then you're both blind," he snapped. "It's been a long time since my wife died, but did you think I wouldn't recognize the signs? Someone who'd only _read_ about it probably could."

"If it soothes you, we never expected you _not_ to notice," Lantas replied with equal annoyance.

I held up both hands. "Please forgive any uncouthness on our part, Cabell. You know how new such things are to us."

"Certain things aren't new to you, however. Are the both of you so eager for new sensations that you'd overlook the obvious? You have missing pieces, where taboos would normally be evident, but that is no reason to _accept_ that absence. How could either of you possibly think..." But he put his hand to his head. "But neither of you are children. So do as you want, and deal with it in the same way."

Lantas had lowered her head. "Are you going to...fire me, I believe the word is?"

Cabell's shoulders relaxed. "I am not that petty, Lantas. Freedom also means the freedom to make mistakes."

"This might amount to nothing," I said. "It may just be impulses brought on by the close proximity."

"Old fellow, _I believe_ the term is called 'backpedaling'. Though apparently I've been proven wrong on other evaluations, I would have thought you'd recognize that, at least."

I had frowned at his use of the affectionate term, believing he was using it as an insult.


	3. Chapter 3

**O Green World**

**Chapter 3**

The journey of the _Nonsuch_ brought us back to this house, which had been my base of operations ever since I'd agreed to participate in the information-gathering on Earth.

Even though things had changed between us without a major resolution, Cabell and Lantas stayed over, and we began to talk openly about where we were going to go now, instead of arguing more about that other issue. There was never any question of Lantas abandoning her explorations to stay with me, or of my abandoning my role in the SDF-3 talks, fruitless though I thought them to be.

And so for a time we would be separated. But with the invention of instantaneous space folds, I would be able to visit Tirol often.

While it had lasted, it was refreshing to be on Tirol without being followed by constant escorts, and to see a world being rebuilt, with time now to appreciate the end results.

There were many pleasant days spent with Lantas in the great libraries of Tiresia, which I had never been near, never even noticed, in my earlier life, content with the information and duties dictated by my masters. She has such a lively mind, a spirit of inquiry, asking profound questions out of nothing in order to see what would happen.

Cabell remained my good friend during those years, and kept his promise to help Lantas find her new knowledge. He still expressed his tacit disapproval, but all of us learned to function with it. Not the healthiest course of action, but any discussion we had on the matter was so repetitive that we had eventually stopped speaking of it.

Naturally I had still missed those lost ones, especially the ones now sitting in my living room. I had never lost faith that the SDF-3 would be found; after witnessing so many strange things in the recent years, to consider them alive was no great leap of logic.

But then the residents of Tirol began to shed their trauma and start to resent the clones living in their midst.

The clones were perceived as reminders of the Masters' earlier decadence, of the corruption that Protoculture had wrought. There were also more universal objections: that the clones were unnatural, should not be granted freedom and protection, or educated beyond their rigidly segmented roles. The last one was described by some to be useless, since they believed the clones did not have the capacity to learn beyond themselves, or that resources should be devoted to helping the Tiresians instead.

Some clones had become violent as well, experiencing the dangers of freedom that one Penny Mirman had once warned me of. It had been painful to witness the renewal of a cycle, but there was nothing to do but turn this feeling into activism.

I did not think it would be pertinent to tell the Sterlings that my relationship with Lantas was hardly unbroken bliss. Such things would come out in time, and the issues were no moreso than would be normal, scarcely what one would term a "tempestuous" relationship.

We had argued about my participation in being involved in the activism for the Tiresian clones, Lantas fearing for me and my reputation. Somehow it had eventually reversed, and I was at one point asking her to come to Earth with me to take up permanent residence there. At that, Lantas had accused me of letting sentiment disable my intelligence, everything I'd stood for. There were times when we'd found each other condescending, and when we'd both wondered why such a reserved and self-conscious courtship had continued.

But other times, enough times to define it, we were quite happy.

Sometimes Lantas and I did not see each other for months on end, me being called to Earth for more speculation and study on the SDF-3 issue. But despite the conflicts that arose on this, we were ultimately aware that fear could not limit us. And every time we met again, we would have new experiences, new knowledge to share with each other and debate about.

On occasion Lantas would also journey to Earth herself, but it was only luck that led to Lantas and I both being on Earth when the SDF-3 had emerged, receiving the signal on the communicator in my house that had been set up for that purpose.

We had both wasted no time in journeying to the proposed landing site. The _Nonsuch_ was still in service, and functioned as a vehicle for Lantas and myself.

The rest, the Sterlings knew. Lantas and I had been bumped, jostled, and squeezed by anyone small enough not to crush us, listening to whoops and cheers and sobs and laughter. I still wasn't inclined for such public displays, but had felt an indescribable joy at the sight of our people alive again, and had gladly accepted the embraces of complete strangers.

Eventually, however, they had begun to settle, and questions had started to be asked, and after some joking responses that we would never believe it, requests for places to rest had been put forth instead.

Pike Base was brought up, and to Max I had said, "I have a residence in its vicinity. I am afraid that there is only one bedroom, and not room for many guests, but anyone who wishes to come is welcome to it."

Greying Rick, with a black-haired boy clinging to his leg, had clapped Max on the back and said, "You'd better field this one."

"Yeah. Y-Yeah, I'll see you, right?"

"Don't forget his books!" said the boy.

Max: "Exedore, this is Roy Hunter. Rick and Lisa's son."

"Hello," was all I said, still unsure how to deal with small children. As an afterthought I added, "And how old are you?"

"Pretty old," was Roy's reply. He looked up at his father. "Daddy, can we go now?"

"Sure." He led Roy off with a gentle hand on his back.

I had looked at Max again. His darkened hair was also showing some grey. I wondered again how long Zentraedi lived. Tiresians seemed to live much longer than Humans, But I felt...in the moment, as Lantas had put it. I wasn't greying, though I had worn my hair in a simple long pageboy rather than my "widow's peak" which had grown out ages ago. Miriya was showing any signs of ageing, though only facially.

"Still have a face that can frighten small children, hey?"

Dana had come running over, with her own "mummy bag". Aurora was looking as faraway as ever, though when we reached the _Nonsuch_ she had asked if she could ride on the roof with her family.

"What's the matter, kid? Didn't your third eye tell you that you could?" Dana chuckled, and Aurora was still looking at me.

Lantas answered for me. "Of course you can. That's what it's there for." She had then walked up to Miriya and took bother of her hands in hers. "Miriya Parino Sterling. It's wonderful to finally meet you."

Miriya. "Uh...thank you. But who...?" She had turned to me for explication, but Lantas had continued.

"You and the other Zentraedi, the Five. Your story was an inspiration to us--the clones, that is. I'm sure you can understand why."

The Sterlings all ended up riding atop the _Nonsuch_, Aurora asking Lantas and I to first bypass the house, so that she could get a good view of her homeworld. I believe that the rest of her family wanted to take the time as well.

At the house, everyone had been too exhausted to speak further. Lantas and I gave spare bedding to those who needed it, Dana preferring to sleep in the meagre backyard. Miriya and Max took the floor, leaving the small old couch for their younger child.

It was the next day after that Max had asked to know more about where I was, which had led to our evening of conversation. It was possible that they had all asked themselves the question of where Lantas was being accommodated, but had been too tired to truly care.

The incredible story of the SDF-3 had emerged gradually, to myself in private talks with the Sterlings, to the rest of the world when the rested crewmembers began to speak to the media. Many commentators had scoffed at the unbelievable accounts, and of those, some had even begun to prod the children to display of psychic phenomena, sarcastically then earnestly.

The Hunters and the Grants and several others had angrily protested--though likely the end of _that_ particular mess had come when the Zentraedi parents had made their opinion on the matter known.

--

And it was during this period of reunion and renewal that Kazianna Hesh requested a meeting. She had asked for five: myself, Cabell (now visiting from Tirol), Aurora, Miriya, and Dana. Lantas had also attended at my request.

I was thankful for this more intimate meeting, curious to meet Kazianna again, to talk with her directly. Though it was not strictly rational, I had begun to feel that our connections to Breetai were decent pretext for forming a friendship on our own, and had kept that desire for the years since I'd seen her last.

The remaining Zentraedi (how cold I briefly felt when I though of that) were temporary housed in one of Pike Base's empty hangars. Some makeshift facilities had been set up to make conferencing and living easier, but it was not a place they would have chosen to live in.

Kazianna was already outside when we walked up. Instead of anything ceremonial, she was wearing an off-duty female Zentraedi jumpsuit, blue with a green trim, where the male ones had been purple with yellow.

When we had stopped, Kazianna went to one knee and bowed her head. "Welcome, all of you. Especially you, Cabell."

"There's no need to bow, my dear; we're all friends here."

She raised her head, looking directly at Cabell. Kazianna sighed, a deep basso sound. "I am sorry. I would rather have these protocols out of the way, but you are..."

"Yes, yes, yes," Cabell replied, amicably. "I understand. And I think today I'd rather honour your impatience."

Kazianna stood to her full height, and I tilted my head back to see her return Cabell's smile, her grey-tinged skin reddening. "I would like that."

She led us into the bunker, where sheets of metal had been set up to create the illusion of walls and privacy, though it was also at the time deserted.

There was a large table made from discarded industrial materials with a chair to match. Kazianna lifted us up onto it one by one, apologizing for the crudeness of the setting. After we were settled in our own Micronian-sized chairs, She began without preamble. "This performance will be repeated for the rest of the military personnel, but I wanted you all to be the first to know what we have decided."

From across the past came a feeling of annoyance. I had been left out of conferring on the Zentraedi fate? But it faded as quickly as it had come.

She went on. "Some time from now, not soon, but eventually, the Zentraedi will be leaving Earth to set up permanent residence on Fantoma.

"Despite everything that my people put the Humans through, it has been...a good experience for us to gain culture through our contact with them. But to be a true people, we must be given a chance to develop on our own, using what the Humans have taught us."

"And what are your plans?" I asked, before anyone else could speak.

Kazianna looked at something I could not see, as if the walls were transparent and she was surveying the landscape. "It will be the same as our location: we will start with what we remember, our lives as miners."

I asked her, "Will you only be miners?"

She smiled. "That will be the start. But Breetai told me much about you, Lord Exedore. About the values you found in the 'intellectual' culture of Earth. If there are those among us who desire something different, we will do the best to accommodate them, and as the generations pass, we will try to reach out to other occupations. The harsh conditions of our world will not prove a barrier."

But I had read much on the invisible bonds which worked to tie down those whose ideas disagreed with the norms of a culture. Rare was it that the dominant were directly malicious towards the maverick. "I believe you, Kazianna Hesh. But you must be aware that sometimes a people cannot even know that they are preserving the status quo at the expense of growth. Do not fear what you might be becoming."

She nodded solemnly. "We will also remain in contact with the Tiresians. But that planet is not ours, even if we might share their blood. It was little more than a laboratory for us.

"We will be making our announcement to the military personnel afterwards, but I had wanted a personal meeting with the people most closely related to us."

From the accounts, I had expected to see a theatrical eeriness about the Zentraedi children, along with illuminated corneas. But from what I could see, their eyes had been "turned off", and they were simply playing with the makeshift toys that had been made for them out of smaller objects, or with the rocks and dirt around the area.

Kazianna informed us that the adults standing around them were a mix of their biological parents and others. Most of the Zentraedi had eagerly volunteered to protect and help raise them, even if they were not their own offspring. Kazianna admitted that, in the process, they would be helping make up for each others' inexperience.

She called Drannin over from the small group, and he dropped his patchwork ball and came running eagerly.

I studied him, hopefully without looking like I was.

I did not expect to find Breetai reborn in Drannin, for I do not believe in the talk of legacies, of offspring as a replacement for a parent; each child conceived was their own individual self.

Drannin had the features of Breetai and Kazianna arranged in inextricable ways, softened by a youth neither of them had had. He had his mother's purple hair, but several shades lighter. His skin was neither pale grey nor pale aquamarine, but what Micronians might have called swarthy; possibly this proved that certain Zentraedi skin tones were mere cloning deformities and would revert to natural ones upon biological reproduction.

Drannin and the rest of the children were wearing old Zentraedi boots and uniforms, cut down and rearranged to fit their smaller bodies, irrespective of colour matching.

He pointed at me. "That's Father's friend?"

"Yes, Drannin," I replied, feeling strangely touched. "My name is Exedore Formo."

One of the other children, a very pale girl with teal hair, had come over to investigate and said, "Why are you so small?"

I wondered if they were just feigning childish ignorance, trying to appear normal. But I indulged them. "Because I am Micronized. Have your caretakers ever told you of that?"

"Not yet," replied Drannin, looking up at his mother as if he expected a secret to be told.

Kazianna explained it tersely, and the bare explanation seemed to satisfy him, though Drannin didn't walk away when the girl did.

"I'm sorry about that," Kazianna said. "But it didn't seem relevant to the children. There wasn't any question what we'd raise them as, and even if someone could get the chamber to work again, we'd inform them of the option when they were old enough to chose it."

"I take no offence at it. In some fashion, I chose my circumstances."

"And so did I," Miriya added.

In the early days of the Zentraedi presence on Earth, some military figures had tried to peddle Micronization to us as a way of restoring "what nature intended". I'd urged them to instead appeal to the more real problem of the potential drain on resources, pointing out that since the Zentraedi knew ourselves only as giants, that was what would seem the most "natural" to us, regardless of the imagined alternatives. What we had experienced directly easily overpowered the abstract.

Cabell and I asked Kazianna and the other caretakers about their plans for Zentraedi education. In their time in newspace, the children had been taught how to write and read, with the Humans to show their parents how to start doing that.

Unsurprisingly all the Zentraedi were looking a bit starstruck at being so close to Cabell, but some where also looking at Miriya in a similar fashion...and me? Of course I knew why, but that was still very strange.

--

Eventually Lantas and I had to reveal our relationship to others that we knew. Still, it was appropriate that I could first inform the woman who I had developed such a bond with. As opposite as Miriya and I were in beauty, stature, and social inclination, we were both Zentraedi reborn, and that would always ensure a connection, perhaps part of the reason that I had never left the SDF-3 for dead.

Lisa Hayes had also been approached about a memoir, and I had asked her to keep my relationship with Lantas a secret. After the Tiresians had had an entirely different sort of moral panic about our relationship, I wasn't eager to have any more of a fuss made over this, and neither was Lantas. And because she did not have the urge for any kind of ceremonial joining, hopefully that would make things relatively quiet for many more years.

I met with Kazianna several more times, sitting on tabletop chairs again. Sometimes Lantas was with me, other times not. On that first informal meeting, Lantas introduced herself to Kazianna, and explained briefly who she was.

"Congratulations to both of you," Kazianna had said, offering her gloved finger for Lantas to shake, Humanlike.

After informing Kazianna of the difficulties her people were having on Tirol, Lantas had added, "Having the Zentraedi as neighbouring citizens is only going to make things worse,"

Kazianna had only nodded in response. I knew that we would all meet it with the same strength as before.

But it was not all so sombre. Kazianna, Lantas, and I spent much of our time talking about Breetai, whom Lantas already knew much about. Both Breetai and Kazianna had known that they would eventually produce a child, and had coincidentally agreed with me: that Drannin was to be his own man, not at all obligated to be like Breetai or herself.

"Inasmuch as I can have an opinion on such things, I believe that a true legacy rests in memory, not in genes," was what I had said to Kazianna, and she had agreed.

It had slowly come to light that Kazianna would have been very much at home with the Friendly Five, as she had, almost from her first briefings about Micronian culture, desired not only to embrace the new life, but to seize it. If culture had been introduced the female fleet first, Kazianna had joked, she would have been one of the first to defect.

But in those early years Kazianna had been inclined to a cheerful solitude, content to explore on her own, though now she regretted never coming to know me personally. Kazianna had also been a ferocious participant in the strikes against the Malcontents, a member of the twenty-first.

All this was a heartening experience, but after almost a year of modifying, repairing and planning, the _Valivarre_ left Earth with all the remaining Zentraedi aboard but for Miriya and I. Many turned out to watch the launch, including everyone one would expect. I could hear Miriya trying to fight back tears, as Lantas put her arms around me. But though I felt a trifle melancholy, I was still confident in the rightness of my choice.

**End.**


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